A · Curtsey · to · the · Subinfinite

...ba-da-pa-ba, and all that. Konyanyachiwa.

O, "where..."? - since finishing Only Revolutions?

You expect a good answer from this I?

Well...in some or many respects, the same place - still being gypped by my job, still luckily loved, still obscenely oversized. Nodding to MK even as I glory in L.

Still - taking everything into account - happy, ya know.

O, and there're memories - for example, I've been to Japan again, as nibunnoichi this time - just not really the best part of eight months' worth.

Let's see...what have I to show for the time? Well...

...a Wii and a PSP. A published big complex picture (with an as yet unpublished nude variant that might yet see me venture into a new account and thereby new career as a true hentai artist, who knows), a published quick simple picture, and yet another quick simple picture. (If you're permitted to see only one of the three, consider a dA account, why don'tcha?) And...

...erm...dammit...

I know I reread the rest of the Covenants, and the new one (saw the end coming about 25 pages away from it, so it was a good and welcome surprise indeed). The Death Note series probably passed through in this time frame too. According to iTunes, I picked up Kawaita Sakebi and such on 20 August, implying that we started living the Yu-Gi-Oh life shortly after that last journal. I have a lot of plot notes and such I've worked up since then for the 'beach view' game, and...um...

...saw Grindhouse as 'twas meant to be seen, but that's almost too recent to count as 'memory'...

...I know we haven't been to the cinema too often otherwise...

...uh, I met Yas' (for a change) earlier in the year...

...got a new mobile phone...


...okay, let's do serious. Y'see, I don't know what future I might be looking back at this from, but the fact is I don't need to justify this me to that me, because that me will be reminded by this saying of this me - that this me has been, yes, content. (Job fuckery aside.)

This me, I assure that me, remembers and understands and still values the arguments against contentment, but presently is willing to step over them for the virtue of many many evenings spent watching old anime, playing children's card games, reading Ultra betimes, playing old PSX games while exercise-biking, and then watching more anime or cartoons or the cleverer kind of sitcoms or good, fun, mostly brainless, films with his soul-mate. If those then blur together in hindsight into a faded smooth ambrosiac plain of sweet cheer and comfort and truly excellent sex ('pon which I'll choose to rhapsodise some other night), bereft of jagged spiky landmarks or aching ichor-weeping mementos, such is the price.

See, I don't have much ambition. Don't value it a whole lot.


That said, now for the irony. I want a pay rise, or more sincerely a new job, and to write the Jane and Jamie book among others; and I've a whole lot more pictures left in me. We want to see America (again, for this half) later this year, and thanks to my L it's nearly scheduled. Japan must also receive us again, probably two years from now. We also want a PS3. And MGS4. And Crisis Core. And some rhyme, sometime.


The game is afoot and the future must be taken in hand. There are targets to be set, and characters crying for creation.


Next step - tomorrow.

An entry in honour of finishing (at long, long, long, long last) Only Revolutions, with a quote from Feeling This in the subject line - if you don't know why, you either don't know the lyrics, haven't seen the video... or've never read OR, I s'pose.

Speaking of long, long - 720 pages, bitch, fuck your "360". So, first point - yup, I read it the suggested 8-from-one-side, 8-from-the-other way, and I'd seriously recommend it. The number of times I couldn't figure out what was going on or completely missed a point on one side, only to get it on the other... Plus, you know, reflective wordplay here and there and all. (I started on Hailey's; it doesn't matter much.)

Second point - alright, yes: I'd thought for quite awhile that putting "a novel" on the cover was some kind of pisstake, but there is an actual plot there. A pretty damn thin one, and one written in a mostly foreign language, and one being told to you by two self-absorbed pathological liars, but...yeah.

Third - if you're going to read this thing, ignore the fucking newsticker! Made the pages drag like blunt lead sledges and, beyond smidgens of ambience in the "quotes" and very very occasional hidden fragments, it's worthless (probably except to the amateur cryptographer, given Danielewski's wont). The fact that it was supposedly constructed from pre-reader suggestions should clue you in.

Fourth - I might miss it a little, which I didn't expect to; particularly the earlier pages. I might even reread it eventually (skipping the newsticker...). Whether it'll ever make my favourite books list is seriously doubtful, but I'm at least glad I finished it.

Fifth - a very quotable line near the end:
"I will walk heavy.
And I will walk strange."

Sixth - House of Leaves was better, by far by far. 'Course, as I don't think this one was intended to "better" HoL in any way, I'm sure the author won't lose sleep over 'at.

Anyway. Next I plan to read Dragonball and then reread the second Thomas Covenant trilogy (assuming I can find book 6), so nothing revolutionary for awhile. Hopefully I can do some craftwork of my own in the interim...

(I ain't minded to quote "Bitches" and I don't know any other MSI songs.)

Passing a pair of women holding hands on the street is always a glad sight, I find, because I can and always do (childishly) assume they're lesbians. If they're young, there's the unfocussed moment of sexual frisson. If they're older, there's the unspoken moment of warmth - "aw, they're still together after so long" or "aw, they've found each other so late", as seems most appropriate. If one's old and one young, there's the moment of "...nah, they're probably related" but the theme holds in the main.

Of course, I'm probably usually wrong - because it seems a feminine trait to feel free to hold hands supportively, platonically, et-ceterally - and that's a fine and a good thing if so. Those so empowered share warmth and companionship in the act, and implicitly cast mock on the homophobic and the masculine that shun such; I'm more'n capable of ignoring the truth and continuing to draw whatever conclusions I want to when I see them; and, of no little importance, the feedback-association of hand-holding with either romantic coupling or platonic femininity means you continue to see almost no pairs of men so doing. Hurrahs all 'round.

Yeah, so...it's been awhile since I wrote one of these...

If I'd an audience, I might at this point rhetorically ask its members: have you ever held a job which required you to share an office with three significantly older, vastly unattractive members of the opposite gender, whose idea of good humour was to converse about their (hypothetical...we pray to God hypothetical) sex toys? If so, you might have some understanding of how little I'm enjoying my work environment right now.

There's really very little to say...

I could have been bought a guitar for my birthday (two months off yet) last week - second-hand, but a good £300 - £400 value. I didn't accept it because I wouldn't have gotten the value out of it - I already have a good guitar with equivalent tone and features and I haven't been playing much anyway, the past year or so. Still it feels odd - no-one would really have lost out if I'd said 'yes' (the buyer would have felt satisfaction in having provided such an item; the seller would have had their sale without bothering to advertise as they'll now have to) and by saying 'no' I certainly can't expect to receive anything of equivalent value as a gift; the buyer's impulse will have passed. Really...should I have said 'yes'?

Nope.

Besides, -I- choose the fucking useless and overpriced toys I own.

I'm rereading the Thomas Covenant books - I picked up the first one for a few pages to pass my lunchtime with, having nothing else I felt like to hand, and it hooked claws into me and dragged me away. Goddamn.

Kinda tired, now, so...

This and that goin' on...

- New project to join at work from tomorrow. Same fractionally-better pay, same office (moved about fifteen feet), better facilities (I get a fan on my new desk so fucking yay for no more slow death by heatstroke), new teammates and manager, more diversity (database and webpage design)...it'll do. Supposedly 'twill last 'til July or so, at which point they'll "see what else I can be moved to, or send me back".

- We (the me and the other) have collectively decided to go to Japan in October, so savings ho. Same tour as I took in Spring '04 only, ya know, unalone this time.

- Finally managed to shift my Grandma's chest enough away from the radiator that was put in last year to get the bottom drawers open again - woot for access to old manga collection, some'f which I'd forgotten I had...

- Reading Only Revolutions, very slowly. I didn't think I could keep patience with it to start with but it's been fun enough so far.

Mm, anyway, I randomly tried ichiban-inu-me-kun's movie soundtrack thing (with some extra entries added by my e'er-inventive Lo)...

( Here 'tis )

And out... *flashes a peace sign in the direction of the Wandering Mancunian*

In today's news...no, no news; no time for that just now anyway...

...but I did a little scribble-writing Friday night (picking up an old unused mini-idea and carrying it forwards for 700 words or so) so I thought I'd stick it up here. It's not exactly my best, a first draft, and it's a good way from being a finished story yet (I've some idea of where it would go next but whether I'll actually -write- that anytime in this world, dunno) but it's something out of a long long period of nothing, so yay.

( 'Hanging' story, first bit )

Mm, maybe more later; things to do for now. Jya na...

Oh...

*pirouettes, helplessly, because heartsickness has never on this earth before been known to feel quite so sweet*

When two people, who each must make up at least a half of you, exchange words... *smiles*

I can barely wait.

Beyond that...

- Got some leave booked from work, hail the wonder of it can you and say amen? I have TOMORROW OFF, and the motherfucking DAY AFTER TOO. Goin' to see Hot Fuzz will be the least of my celebrations. (On Thursday, when I return, there's even the possibility I'll be booking -more-...)

- New glasses, one pair of which is sunglasses with blue lenses - that's what you get when you -ask- about the cooler stuff you can see on the shelf, kids.

- Went to see Babel with Mr. L a few weeks back; the film was unexpectedly good (and unexpectedly relentlessly cheerless, heh) and the evening fine. More o'that whole social thing, I should chase.

- Been working on a new (private) picture using a new-to-me, time-consuming technique of 'painting' shades and highlights with a blending brush. Not yet convinced of either the success or failure of the project, but the pic' will be finished soon enough and then we'll see. It's at least decent...

- Introduced my double-X to Games Workshop, particularly Blood Bowl, and thereby once again dragged myself back in just as I thought I could get out... (Of course, and as if her day-to-day achievement list weren't already floor-shaking enough, she's already outstripped by far my skill-borne-of-16-years'-experience at miniature painting...)

- Got a true Valentine, having neatly resisted the urge to give one. O well.

- Written nothing much, but J and J have been calling to me more and more, the past week or so...

Mm, that'll hold for now. There's other things to do tonight...next time for song lists and such, maybe.

First o'those...think I'll go 'howdy' at ichiban-inu-me-kun, with whom I've had a regrettable lack of contact of late.

Then...on and on with this glorious pre-holiday night...

So I'm back, y'all. You'll notice the galaxy* is indeed safe, and you'll know who to thank I'm sure.

What's gone down since last...?

- The whole Christmas thing worked out well enough. Force FX lightsabers are fun, though not all they're cracked up to be. Gifted my other half well enough to be proud of (a completed drawing included; only sketched so far since).

- Work continues to unabashedly tentacle-rape me, expectations-wise. Can't help thinking it'd be nice to, you know, be able to -book time off- or similar but the damn thing keeps shapeshifting into an amorphous untargettable mass of rumours, half-promised ephemeral contracts and betrayed deadlines whenever I'm about to slice the shackling pseudopods i'twain with my leave card. Being depended on is hateful and loathsome, kids. Learn ye well from my hell.

- Six times in 24. No further explanation proferred or, really, needed. Just six times in 24.

- Killer wind! So groovy. It ate my glasses and that only made me love it more.

- It snowed (a bit). That ain't worthy of mention, even in Manchester; what is is the corollary: that I own a girl who, on seeing a back yard snow-cover'd virgin white and pure, immediately goes out and draws a fifteen-foot pentagram on it. ENVY ME.

- Got in touch with old friend #3, Mr L. We may cinema this Friday, although to see what I have no idea.

( Yeah...so I learned to lj-cut to spare the innocent the Self-Indulgency Song-list Special )

For now, a little software experimentation before sleep and a new day. Here's to it...

* Epsilon Eridani, to be specific

Yeah, alright, so it's up...censored form, o'course, but censored fairly nicely I think. Have a look if you wanna; if you're goin' to C&C, make it brutally honest and as cutting as you can, prithee do.

For our RDA of irony: I'm less tired now, after an 11.5 hour workday that started nigh on nineteen hours back, than I was yesterday at 5pm. Biorhythms: wierd fuckers. O well.

Took a stand this week and refused to work a Saturday coming (which'd be another of these 11.5 hour days - almost certainly longer and probably more intense, in fact) for the piss-take lump pay sum my employer offered. Said sum would barely've equated to basic rate for the hours - "overtime" and "time in lieu" apparently not being concepts with which my employer is conversant - and so I said "nope". Not 'cause of the actual figure - wouldn't notice it if it were double - but 'cause of the insult implied.

I'm the only one in my team, maybe the only one anywhere, who did so (despite us all being offered the exact same sum) and there's a good chance their work'll suffer some for my not being there that day (an analysis arrogant and true, thank'ee).

I'm standing on archaic principle and putting a fairly selfish personal ethic - and a perhaps unhealthy jollop of pride - over my team members, some of whom I'm fairly fond of, and the project on which I've been working dedicatedly for two months; the succesful completion of which, I reckon, would be a reasonably good thing.

Wanna know how it feels?

Fucking orgasmic, hon'.

In other news...

Christmas is comin' too damn fast for my comfort, though I kind'f have ideas for most... Got myself something good already...assuming, of course, that when I actually open the box on the day the quantum wavefront coalesces at the probability point of the contents matching what I ordered. For now, all is still uncertain, and so life remains exciting - thank you, Mr. Schroedinger.

Saw the Tenacious D movie and it did rock...O yes. Reckon those who've seen and enjoyed the stuff on the Complete Masterworks DVD first will get more out of the film, but either way it's a smooth ride as long as y'have (or can slip into) the right sense of humour. It seemed that only me and my other half had such out of the audience when we went, mind you...

Tomorrow, to Home (omega) to display to my strangely uneducated love the rich and queerly beautiful tapestry that is Team America: World Police. Sharing her first time with it I hope to vicariously recapture the near non-stop laughing fit that was my experience, first viewing, but if not what the heck - she's cute when she giggles.

I've been working on sketches for my next set of pictures, and (in a will-make-sense-to-only-me kinda note) I've had an idea as to how I might get back into the writing habit - namely, casually work on (or start anew) the EOPS...

For now, a little FF7: Dirge of Cerberus (it ain't bad, though the difficulty curve seems a tad steep) and maybe some Neo-Geo Battle Colliseum (good game...why O why wasn't SNK Vs Capcom: Chaos like this?) and then sleep, I think.

Goodnight, the world...

Mm, yeah, so...

Been awhile, awhile, but for what I think is a good reason, viz: while I've been here and able to journal, the past week or so, I've been in the main distracted by DRAWING something.

CREATING something.

Enacting ART for the first time in a year-plus can ya say amen.

(And watching Harvey Birdman.)

The pic' in question is nearly "finished" (I'm adding a bit to the background and fixing a few niggling flaws) although as it features (kell 'orror) nudity I may be necessity-bound to censor it up with an extra layer of clothing 'fore publishing it publically. I'm fairly proud of it so far, anyways (the pose, subject and lighting I deliberately chose t'be tricky), although a fraction less so than I'd hoped to be; too many changes halfway through...

I already have three more pictures in planning too (none of 'em will go online, though). It may not be writing but it does feel good to stretch...

On the related note, taming my eating habits and've lost a pound or five, but finding the time and energy for exercise is difficult; life's too full. Keeping trying...

Elsewise...saw Saw III. Predictable yes but oy, fun? - better believe it. Also saw Se7en for the first time, which was also predictable (mostly mainly) but rather less fun, Mr. Spacey's guy's verbal bitchslapping of Mr. Pitt's bloke aside.

I read (through lack of alternatives, in part) the Peter Pan sequel (and a sequel it is; no standalone novel, this) and it's actually reasonably good. Doesn't catch up to the original, but it gives it a fairly good chase. Illustrations're nice too (within the pages, at least...throw the dust jacket away). Now on the new Stephen King (Lisey's Story) and being pulled right along by it, as usual.

Had a dream at the start of the week that I had a pair of black panther cubs for pets. I can imagine the level of sniggers out there at whatever I've inadvertently given away 'bout my psychology with that; just sayin', they were cute.

Not much else to be said worth the saying, jus' now. I'll be here (and drawing hopefully) over the weekend, though, so we'll see what 'rises then...

A quick point...

Woke up about an hour back, after a night of good sleep despite lots of waking up at random intervals. At each of those many moments of half-waking it seemed vaguely that my other half had been at least guest-starring in whatever dream I'd been having at the time. Now, having arisen (early by my standards) and come downstairs, I'm remaining all unfocussed-lonely 'cause she's not online to talk to.

*sighs* Burning question: does this render me 'emo'?

Anyways, I'll aim to write a proper entry later.

(Shonen Knife has too goddamn many quotable lyrics...)

Well, feeling buzzed and cheerful, despite your occasional bad sign here and there. Doing random thoughts again, I think...

I've had about a year off from the whole looking-after-myself-physically thing, and right now, concentrating, I can feel every single degree of the decay. Letting yourself go is so damn fun (and makes most other things so intoxicatingly easy) that I won't say I regret it; also I've had, after all, some pretty good excuses. Still, it's time now to stop. May I never reach this nadir of health again for thirty years or more...

My broad-band creative skills have also probably decayed, to about the same extent. My primary New Year's Resolution for 2006 (and I don't make NYRs) was that I'd conceive of and write my first (second?) novel, and get it to second-draft status before 31st December. Not a single page written to date, and I'm not fooling myself, by the way; it's not going to happen now. Again, I'm well aware of the reasons/excuses why not. Whether I'm going to take steps to reverse the decline in this area, I'm not yet decided - it's a lot trickier, for one thing - but I still aspire to it. I'd rather die a writing writer...eventually...

(My possible first novel is a story for another day.)

I'm not getting the time to talk to my friends much of late (in fact, I'm probably exchanging the most words with ichiban-inu-me-kun, and that's mostly through this...bad sign, huh). I need to make some time and expend some energy and at least write to each of the others...four long, thoughtful, hopefully funny messages to make up for irregularity.

There was a Christmas hymn on TV earlier and I realised - hey, yes; it's almost November. Pleasant seasonal anticipation and vicious approaching work deadlines aside, I need to start thinking what to do for my other half; she put so much effort into my birthday gift that I want to make her something gasp-inducing...though I can't spend the day with her.

I also need to decide what to get myself, of course...tsk tsk, so hard to please...

Sleepy now (I was up ungodly early today, by nocturnal creature standards at least) and not much by way of further thoughts in my head. I'll note that I'm away the next three nights (causing certain frictions since I was supposed to be here tomorrow, but I can't always be cautious).

Close the curtain now, then, as I wave the world a goodnight.

...so it's too damn late, and I want to squeeze in a few good battles in Disgaea 'fore bed...but I may's well note, since I've not written aught for two weeks:

I just (in curious idleness) took a 500q Purity Test - something I've done around five times in this life - and scored 66.2%.

Less than a year ago, I scored something like 94.8%.

That's how legendary my girlfriend is.

Goodnight, y'all.

(And now we're aiming lo'er...)

As I said I would, here do I write...

I have nothing much planned to say so I'm going stream-of-consciousness tonight. That can start with: I think I'll try a theme of having message subject be an apt lyric from the musician listened to last time! (It happened randomly this time, but why not cage it, shackle it and make it law?)

Mm, things of note since last time...well, I spent muy pesetas today on fripperies, trinkumtranks, pointless fancies and gewgaws. Fortunately, alongside these I got a 5cm acrylic hand-painted Tifa Lockheart figurine with lovingly-sculpted poky nipples and knicker gusset (white), so 'twas not entirely hollow and soulless. (Also a cute-ass Devilot de Deathsatan XIII figurine, which is today's reason why I'm better than you.)

Pleasant day overall, really...after a bad few days of fighting off and trying to repress some miserable awarenesses (which my dearest other half stirred up and shoved my face towards in no uncertain terms yesterday evening; more on that another day) I slipped into a good free-feeling mood at bedtime and it's not gone away since.

(Mindless good cheer, I might take this moment to point out, is pretty well my default state of existence.)

Work continues belabouring, but I at least escaped having to go in o'er the weekend despite all omens (I probably should've, there was work to be done which there'll be scant time for on Monday morning, but fuggit). Of note this week is that (me having 'til now been the only person with any technical nous on my project team, and thus being sole database wrangler etc) they're pulling in a corporate IT techie to look over my shoulder, check my work, and make ready to step into my shoes should I be so inconsiderate as to drop dead or get fired or elope or somesuch. So nice.

Anyways... After this I plan to give Kingdom Hearts II (frippery, or possibly gewgaw) a try; I don't have high expectations for it since I didn't overly love the first but the BOX was SHINY so lea' me 'lone; plus there's always Disgaea to fill any gaps 'til I'm ready for unconsciousness. Yep...it's Productivity Night.

(*waves absent-mindedly to the watching Laws*)

Irritating just now: there's a more interesting mix of the song I'm listening to in existence, but I can't find it. Ych...

*sighs* I want to go somewhere alone, but I don't know where would suit and I can't get the leave and the other half would take too much pain from it. Still, ya know, wanderlust...

There's a Stephen King miniseries starting on Monday (based on some of his short stories from the looks). The first one is Battleground, which is a story dear to my heart a) because it's goddamn cool, b) because it's goddamn funny and c) because my mother once read it to me as a bedtime story when I was 8 or so, something she's done perhaps 4 times in my life. (Deep and meaningful, y'see.) For a moment when I saw the advert I was just a touch dismayed that "they" would dare touch it with "their" filthy committee eyepod arrangements, much less hire actors and budget CG special FX and source grips and shit, but on further reflection...I think it might be cool, and maybe even funny, and probably worth a try.

(I might take this moment to point out that I'm someone for whom a bad sequel to or interpretation of a good original does not equate to heartbreak and despair.)

On which note, Saw III! Who knew? - and has it been that long? (well, yes, about a year...)

And, yeah, so anyway. Something else tomorrow...

First entry here, done mo'less for the sake of having a first entry...

(I just discovered the smiley set I picked has an icon for 'exanimate', which is by way of being a fav'rite word of mine. Woot, and stuff. Too bad I'll only ever get to use it once...)

No real news news today, and the only incidents I could relate would require a hell of a lot of backstory emplacing first (which is what future bored-day entries are for) so not much to say here and now (said incidents being mainly miserable anyway, let 'em pass...).

There's going to be silence 'til at least Saturday too as I'm at Home (omega) the next two nights, where I can't access the site, heh. Such an irregular start as a journalist...

As for plans...they were centering 'round going to see Clerks II on Saturday afternoon but it seems to've virtually disappeared from local cinemas, tonsarn it. What will be chosen to fill the time instead may well be a subject of recount next time.

For now, though, time to bedhead; an early start tomorrow, alas.

.

.

For the sake of it, since I foresee myself changing my profile page text oftenish, I'm copying what I wrote there today here. I have a vague manifesto in mind for this journal, as the text implies...

*smiles* Hmm...

I'm not quite sure who I'm going to be, here...

Probably still a 28-year-old male...

...but I vaguely assume it won't quite be myself, as I'm certain I would never really bother to get or write in an online journal. I'm just too up myself for that, y'know.

No, I'm not going to quite be myself, and so I may's well abandon my usual online names and identity so that here, anonymous, I might get a bit of unusual honesty going...

We'll see.

Elsewhere online, then, there's a me who's drawn and displayed some pictures and poetry, and proudly exhibits his connections to a tiny handful of intensely interesting Other People (among them one who was once the most beautiful girl in the world...and one who is the sexiest, and who is mine). That's who I really am (at the time of writing this, anyway).

Out in that Real Life thang, there's also a me. I might write about him later; he's not too interesting a subject. The occasional pirate duel, hit single or black tie embassy assassination does not an epic hero make, as any fule kno.

Good night, a la monde...